I was told to be mindful as I walk –
Take in the details, the sounds and the smells.
But I don’t want to be today.
5 years on and it’s all still shit
And I don’t want to see every crack,
Every unplanned bump and overgrown weed
So I scroll as I walk
But the memes on Facebook all scream:
And I call bullshit
Because remembering implies you’ve had a chance to forget
And you can argue we remember those who died,
But I remember them every time I go outside,
With every road cone and empty place where trees are all spaced in weird configurations because they used to be separated by fences and houses
But now hope comes in books about bugs
And the worries they have
Which my 6 year old brings home from school
My 6 year old who was too small to remember when the world began to shake.
Who does drills on the Basketball Courts in case there’s another quake
Who talks about how he could have been sleeping where the big old TV fell
How if his routine has been normal, he would have been dead.
So sorry if I don’t want to remember
Sorry if I would like a chance to forget
Sorry if I walked past those who had gathered together to pay their respects
But I remember every day
Because the cracks remind me
And the unplanned bumps remind me
And the overgrown weeds.
Facebook reminds me
And every road cone reminds me
And the empty places with the weirdly placed trees.